Where Does Our Contentment Come From?

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:11-13 NLT)

This will probably be one of those "more transparent than I need to be" blogs, but at the same time I have to share what God has laid on my hear. This is about.....CONTENTMENT! Are we truly content? How can we become completely content? Let's start by finding out the Biblical definition of contentment. 

According to the Holman Bible Dictionary it means "an internal satisfaction which does not demand changes in external circumstances"

In the context of Philipians 4:11-13 it means "the believer can be content no matter what the circumstances." 

So now we know what contentment is. Again I ask are we truly content? How can we be completely content? 

Here is my story of contentment. I am a self professed shopaholic. I love clothes. I've made every excuse why it was ok to shop like I did. You see I always wanted a career in fashion until God redirected my path. So it was ok to be obsessed with fashion, right? I've always said they were like pieces of art. My feel good addiction has gotten worse through the years. I never really saw a problem with it until recently.  God has gently pointed out some things to me.

1. The feel goodness was only TEMPORARY! I would buy enough, but then there was that need again for more. 

2. My shopping wasn't the problem (except on my bank account. Lol). My problem was pride!

You see I knew I could bring attention to myself  by my clothes. Every compliment made me feel good about myself. I have many insecurities. There are times when I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or have a place that I belong. I really feel like I don't have much to offer. Clothes took away some of those insecurities. They just plain & simple made me feel good! Is that true contentment? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

Let me pause here & say is it wrong to shop (or do whatever your feel good addiction is)? No (as long as it doesn't go against Biblical principles)! Is it wrong to look nice? Absolutely not! But how you look does not define who you are or "fix" any insecurities that you have

God began convicting me about this. I began to question what people saw in me. Did they see me or did they see Christ? I want them to see Christ in me ABOVE ALL ELSE! It all comes down to that! 

I read these questions in another blog today (women living well) & felt like they were directed at me. 

1. What do you think about more-shopping or good works?

2. What are you most noticed for- what you wear or your kind deeds? 

3. What is most eye catching about you- your clothing or your character? 

So I come back to the original questions...1. Are we truly content? 2. How can we become completely content? 

You have to answer number one. But I can tell you the answer to number two is true contentment only comes through Christ Jesus! I trusted Him as my Savior, but I would not allow myself to be completely content in Him because I wanted to try & fit in with others. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted everyone else to make me feel good about myself. I wanted people to fix my insecurities, but God has shown me He is the Only Way to true contentment. 

 Am I going to stop shopping? Slow down-yes! Stop- no!

 Am I going to stop caring what I look like? No!

 Am I going to think a lot more about the three questions listed above? You better believe it! 

 Do I have this battle won? Of course not! Satan knows this is an area of temptation for me so he will try & place obstacles in front of me, but this will be the thought I come back to...My contentment & satisfaction will come from Christ & Christ alone! 

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20 NLT)

P.S. Shopping just happens to be my feel good addiction. You can insert whatever you struggle with into any part of this! 

No Complaining

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. (Philippians 2:13-15 NLT)

God reminded me of these verses this morning. I have been reading a blog recently by a lady who,unless God intervenes, is dying of cancer (I don't know the lady, but she is a friend of someone we go to church with). Through her pain & through her suffering she is still praising Jesus! She is still trying to win people to Him! Is she happy with her circumstances I doubt it, but not in one blog entry that I've read have I seen her complain. I have however seen her praising Jesus & giving Him the glory in everything! Made me completely ashamed of the minor things I complain about! How does that tie into these verses...He wants us to do things that please Him! The important things that are going matter eternally. Not the temporal things. Let's do these things without complaining! Maybe we don't have everything we WANT, but He has given us all that we NEED! Verse 15 talks about shining like bright lights...let's get out there in this dark world that needs Jesus & shine our lights bright for Him, so that others may come to know Him!

A New Season

To everything  there is  a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV)

When I write my blogs I usually write a big, long story about something God has done in my life recently. I'm going to do something a little differently this time. I'm going to write excerpts from the writings I did while we were in North Carolina. I started journaling after my recent surgery because I realized there were things I didn't want to forget. So maybe you don't have kids or you have babies or toddlers that are a long way from leaving home. Or maybe you have middle schoolers or high schoolers whose time to leave is getting closer. It really doesn't matter because this is all about God's faithfulness & doing what He's called us to do. 

Let me preface this by saying this is not my first child to send to college. I had my heart ripped out (and yes that's what it felt like) the first time three years ago. My oldest daughter is a senior in college this year. I wish I had been journaling then so I would remember these feelings from that time.

And no just because you've been through it once doesn't mean it hurts any less the second time. 

I pray that God would use something in these excerpts to help you with something you are going through in your life or with your child/children. 

From August 17, 2012
"As I'm sitting outside by the pool, at the hotel, this morning I can't help but reflect on yesterday. We got Jake moved into his dorm room. His independence amazes me. Really all of my kids independence amazes me. I'm such a dependent person that to see them with such confidence to be able to do things on their own is AMAZING. "

"I have been reminded twice this week that this is God's plan. This is how it's supposed to be. We raise them. We teach them. Then we trust them to remember what we have taught them."

From August 18, 2012 
"Letting go and letting them grow up is hard."

"Boys are so much different than girls. They don't want momma holding their hand every step. They want to be men. And that's really what I want. If he's going to lead a church and family someday he has to learn to be a man."

My prayer for that day was: "Lord, help me not to hover or aggravate, but to be a parent my adult children want to be around."

August 20, 2012 
"And so we begin a new season...Today is our first day home after taking Jake to school"

"It feels weird, but yet I feel like God has prepared me for this."

"I want him independent because then he will be more open to what God wants him to do."

"So as I begin this new season I'm scared & excited. I'm excited for the future to see what God has planned."

Just a few of the random thoughts I had last week & the first part of this week. Nothing earth shattering. Just reminders that God will prepare us for different areas & seasons of life and He is ALWAYS faithful! May He receive all praise & glory!

What do I do now?

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. (Philippians 4:6 NLT)

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT).

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25 NLT)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 NLT)

See anything in common in these verses? "don't worry", "give worries to God", "I tell you not to worry",  "we don't have a spirit of fear", "do not be afraid".....hmm, think the Lord is telling us anything? I am the queen of worry, fear & anxiety. But we can tell clearly from God's Word that we are not to worry, fear, be afraid or have anxiety. I can now say from experience He's serious about telling us that. I have had panic attacks off & on for 20 years.  I've always had a nervous, fretful personality. But did I ever think it could kill me...NO WAY! On June 27th I learned quite differently. I will save you all of the gory details & only share the necessary. Normal day. Normal activities. Started dinner before church & all of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my right side. I waited on it to subside & it didn't I laid down for a little bit & it got worse. When my husband got home from work I was in severe pain. Finally, the pain subsided a little. We decided to go to the hospital & see how I was when we got there. We got to the hospital and I felt better. We (I) decided to head home and wait. I know what you are thinking....."How could you be so stupid?" "Why didn't you get checked out?" Because what if something was wrong with me? What if I needed surgery? If I had to have surgery they'd have to put me to sleep. That my friends is what life altering fear does to you. Remember the verses at the beginning- I was not remembering those. I was remembering fear, worry and anxiety. I came home and was sick for the next 6 days. I had family members begging me to go to the doctor. Would I? No! Why? F-E-A-R! Finally on Tuesday July 3rd I was forced to the doctor. I had blood work and a CT scan done. Results came back with my white blood count extremely high (meaning infection). CT scan showed something very wrong. I was told to go to hospital immediately.  I had to have surgery to figure out what was going on. I go into immediate freak out mode. Not that I could be dying, but that I might have to have surgery. Crazy? Yes! But that's what fear does to you. I know God was at work the whole time, but from this point I began to see Him working. My doctor told us a certain surgeon was on call. We said no we want another surgeon. My doctor went and made a call and came back and said "ok, Dr. _________ is already at the hospital and will see you as soon as you get there. PRAISE THE LORD! Fast forward- arrive at hospital, get in room. All the normal hospital things. The surgeon came in and told us he thought it was a ruptured appendix, but because dummy me waited so long there were complications because of infection. Next complication, but also the next way we saw God at work. I am extremely anemic so before surgery could be done I had to have a blood transfusion. Guess what? I have strange blood. It has antibodies in it that make it hard to match up. Well, since this was during the power outage there was no extra blood in Huntington. It was all taken to Pennsylvania. My surgeon made a call- blood would be matched up and in Huntington at 6:00am Wednesday morning. PRAISE THE LORD! So, I wake up Wednesday ready for blood to be there and ready to get this surgery over. God works again.....6:00am no blood. 6:30, 7:00 no blood. Finally, surgeon comes in- makes a phone call- blood is there at 7:30am. They get the transfusion started and get me ready for surgery. They wheel me down to the operating room and Paul is going with me. We get to where he has to leave me and he stops and  prays with me. Then he leaves and I'm in the hallway alone. I had been praying and quoting Scripture to myself the whole way down there. But here I am alone. Praying! Not knowing what they would
find, but asking God to please allow things to go smoothly. Let me tell you looking back I could feel 
the prayers being said for me because I had complete peace and trust. Then.....God works again. I had a nurse come and get me to take me to the operating room.  He was the kindest man. I told him I was 
scared. He calmly said to me "it'll be ok". He held my hand till I went to sleep. PRAISE THE LORD 
for that nurse. When I woke up in recovery I again had the kindest nurse. He took time to talk to me 
and tell me I was ok. PRAISE THE LORD for him! God could not have placed two more 
compassionate nurses in my path. I was then taken to my room where I found out I was doing ok and 
that they were able to clean out all of the infection. The next 8 days were filled with many different 
things- lots of blood taken, waiting to make sure counts came down, lots of antibiotics and pain 
medicine, a pic line, fevers up and down. Then finally on Thursday July 12th I heard those beautiful 
words- you can go home! It has now been almost 5 weeks since the surgery. That time has been filled with many ups and downs. I was blessed with being able to go to the beach with my family a couple 
of weeks after I got out of the hospital. All 5 of us got to spend a whole week together. PRAISE THE LORD! But I've also struggled with a huge weight loss (it's not as great as you think it would be), 
lack of strength and energy, extreme fatigue. I've also struggled a lot emotionally. I've had numerous, 
massive meltdown (pretty sure my family thought I was losing it). I've struggled with a lot of guilt. 
God could have very easily called me to my eternal home, but He chose to let me live. Why? So 
many people are not given another chance. Why me? What does He want me to do that He chose to 
let me live? Lots of tears shed over that question. I've tried to get over the guilt and focus on what 
God wants me to learn from this experience. One day at the beach the Lord brought the words of this 
song (and of course a meltdown) to my mind-HEAL THE WOUND, BUT LEAVE THE SCAR A 
REMINDER OF HOW MERCIFUL YOU ARE- I now have a long, vertical scar down my stomach. 
My reminder of God's mercy. Now I'm left with this thought.....He let me live for a reason. Why? 
And how am I going to use this opportunity for Him? What about you? Each day on this earth that He  gives you He gives it to you for a reason. How are you going to use it for Him?


Then Hannah prayed:
“My heart rejoices in the LORD!
The LORD has made me strong.
Now I have an answer for my enemies;
I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the LORD!

There is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God. (1 Samuel 2:1, 2 NLT)

Dressing The Part

“I also want the women to dress, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes.”~1 Timothy 2:9 (NIV)

I have just returned from a wonderful week of vacation! It was so nice to be able to get away from the stress of every day life and just be able to take a few days and relax. Now you ask…what does the 1 Timothy verse at the top of the page have to do with my vacation? Well, I’ve got two words for you THE BEACH! You can imagine how much modesty we saw at the beach this week. You can also say we asked for immodesty by going to the beach and if I didn’t want to see immodestly dressed girls/women then we shouldn’t have gone to the beach. I’ve got two things to say to that. 1. Immodesty is EVERYWHERE! 2. Why should I punish my family by avoiding going where we enjoy on vacation because other people don’t know how to put clothes on? But that’s really not the point of why I’m writing this. My point is when did it become ok to become immodest? I’m not an extremist. I don’t think we have to be covered from head to toes to be modest. I do believe we can all have different convictions about modesty. I also believe the Bible is very clear about how we should treat our bodies:

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”~1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)

We are to respect our bodies. We are to bring honor and glory to God in ALL that we do. That includes how we dress. We are not to be a stumbling block to others. How we dress can be a stumbling block to others if we are dressed in a way that puts lustful thoughts in others minds. As mothers and adult women we have got to set standards for our daughters and others around us who may be influenced by what we do and how we look. I believe whole heartedly that men should be taught self-control, but we as women should do our part as well to not cause them to stumble.

“We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.”~2 Corinthians 6:3

Women in our society are bombarded with how they should look and how they should dress. We, as Christian women, have got to stand up for what’s right and most of for what’s holy. “for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.”~1 Peter 1:16. We are to live holy lives so that when others look at us they see Christ! Just because the world looks/dresses/acts certain ways doesn’t mean that Christians have to do the same. “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say  “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.”~Titus 2:11-12 (NLT)

I write this today as a Christian wife (who wants her husband to keep a pure heart & mind), a Christian mother of 2 daughters (who I want to respect their bodies and don’t want them to be pure and not be a stumbling block to others around them) and as a Christian mother of a teenage son (who I don’t want to tripped up by girls who don’t respect their bodies by how they dress or how they act)! Thank you for taking time to read this and listening to my burden! We have to be conscience and aware of what we are doing to those around us. Let’s show Christ in ALL we do!

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”~1 Corinthians 10:31

I would like to recommend a wonderful book that I have just read. It is called "Good Girls Don't Have to Dress Bad." It is written by Shari Braendel. She also has a blog called "fashion meets faith".

Worthless Idols

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”~Jonah 2:8 (NIV)

I first time I REALLY heard this verse was at a women’s simulcast in April. I’ve read Jonah before. I mean we all know the story of Jonah and the Whale, but it was not until this simulcast that I REALLY heard this verse. Worthless idols! What are worthless idols? When I heard this verse and the message that followed I knew what my worthless idols were!

Let me tell you something about myself (if you don’t know it)…..I LOVE TO SHOP! I LOVE CLOTHES! I love shoes! I love purses! A shopaholic….yes! A shopping addiction…..ask my husband! I mean I would start worrying today about what I would wear tomorrow and if I had a something special coming up would any of the trillion of clothing articles I have been sufficient? Of course not! That special occasion always required something new. Have any idea what my worthless idols were? Let me tell you how God started working in my life about my worthless idols. There is a certain brand of shoes and purses I loved well I’m standing in this simulcast and the speaker talking about worthless things that we have our hands so tightly grasped onto that our knuckles are turning white from holding on so tight. She then proceeds to talk about shoes and running from God. I had my favorite pair of shoes on and I’m not kidding I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to do something stronger than I’ve ever felt Him speak to me about anything. Get rid of your shoes (you see as part of the simulcast we were collecting shoes to give to some needy in our city). I’m thinking “please Lord no! I love these shoes.” Well, that thought would not leave me. So I came home and packed up all of my shoes that were this brand and I took them to this Saturday session of the simulcast and gave them to the lady who was heading it up. I told her to take them quick before I changed my mind =)! I thought that was the end of it, so I continued on my shopping (I mean after all it was spring I did need new spring clothes, right?). But God continued to stir in my heart that there was more I needed to do. Every time I walked into my closet and saw it crammed full and looked at my shoes and saw the boxes stacked, I knew God wasn’t finished with my “cleaning out” project yet.

I got confirmation of that last weekend at a Deeper Still Women’s conference in Louisville, Ky. A group of us girls from church went and I had the privilege of having my oldest daughter Meghan with me. I was so excited for this conference. I mean Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore in one weekend. How awesome is that?! Kay Arthur was wonderful. Beth Moore was well Beth Moore. The worship music was truly a worshipful time. And Priscilla Shirer, well…..she spoke on something that has completely changed my life. She spoke from Deuteronomy 5:12-15. It was on the Sabbath. She described the Sabbath as a day to take a break (to put a margin in your life). Now this break she spoke about was not a rest as in sitting down and resting, but taking a rest from ANYTHING that stands in the way of your relationship with Jesus. She mentioned several things that you could need a Shabbat (a rest) from and not all of them were bad things. They could be very good things that have just spiraled out of control and have made us a slave to them. My toes began to get stepped on. I thought I knew what I needed a Shabbat from, then she actually mentioned shopping. She kept mentioning specific things and I was ok with what she was saying…then she said it PURSES! NO NOT MY BELOVED PURSES!  Yep, the purses were next to go! She suggested we take a 14 minute (if it’s something you need a break from) or 14 inch Shabbat from something (if it’s a space that you need to clear clutter out of). I came home and cleaned out 14 inches (really more than 14 inches) of my closet. And yes, all of my “special” purses are gone!

Why? Why did I have to do that? Because for me I was a slave to my clothes and shoes and purses! I was giving them first place in my heart. A place that Jesus wanted deserved and should have had all along! I was using clothes to fill a void that Jesus wanted to fill (believe me I tried to justify my shopping with every excuse under the sun)! When I think of the time I wasted worrying about clothes and what I was going to wear different places it kind of makes me sick. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”~Matthew 6:19-20.

Worthless idols! Shabbat (a rest)! What is your worthless idol? What are you a slave to? What has taken first place in your life over Jesus? Mark 12:30 tells us to “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your  mind and with all of your strength.”

Before and after my 14 inch clean out!

A Spirit of Fear!

First let me say, I am not going to write about everyday of my life or even about every event of my life over the past 20 years. But I do want to tell you enough so that you know what and Who has made me what I am today!

When Meghan was about 6 weeks old we were at lunch with Paul’s mom and dad. I remember standing in the restaurant and having this overwhelming feeling come over me. I couldn’t catch my breath. I thought I was going to pass out. I just remember feeling like I had to get out of that restaurant almost like a claustrophobic feeling. I went to the bathroom and tried to get myself together. I had no idea what was happening to me. It happened to several times after that. It happened in church one Wednesday night and I remember sitting in the pew thinking I was going to die right there in church and I knew I was unsaved and I was going to hell. I found out that I was suffering from severe panic attacks. They began to come more often. You have to remember I was still only 18 at this time. I had a brand new baby, a new husband and a new family. It was all very overwhelming. Paul’s family lived about 30 minutes from us, so I was alone a lot. All of the friends I had were near his dad’s church which was a good 30 or 40 minute drive for me. I felt very alone! Things then began to get worse. One Wednesday night I was on my way to church (I had gotten saved by this point, so going to church was a new normal in our routine) I looked back in the back seat and Meghan was having a seizure I had no idea what was happening.  Long story, but I pulled over ran into a house (of someone we knew) and they called 911. It turned out to be nothing serious, a febrile seizure. Her fever spiked high and quick which is what caused it. But after that I was completely freaked out to be alone with her. I was scared to drive after that. I was pretty much scared of everything. Being a young Christian at the time I don’t think I knew how I really needed to trust God and to pray for strength from Him. I only knew to be scared. From that time on I was alone very little. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you all that I did to keep from being alone. If I told you everything you would think I was completely crazy. But to make a LONG story short…..Paul ended up losing his job because I had a panic attack every time I was alone. I was scared to be with anyone but him. After Paul lost his job we moved back to WV. Meghan was about a year old. I had to get somewhere where there were friends and family close enough to help me when I was alone. Was running the right thing to do? Probably not! Should I have learned to trust Jesus and lean on Him? ABSOLUTELY! But you know what they say about hindsight! I lost about 30lbs. because the fear and panic kept me from eating. I go back and look at pictures of this time and I didn’t realize how bad I looked. My family was convinced I was developing and eating disorder. I completely quit driving for about 3 years. It was horrible to be completely dependent on other people all of the time. The bad part happened over about a period of 2- 2 ½ years. I was with a friend one night and had a massive panic attack. I think I scared her to death. After that night she made me a notebook of verses to read when I started to get worried and panic. One verse that has stuck with me since that day is 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)”For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” God did not create me to scared, worried and fearful all of the time! I have to remember that thought frequently even to this day! You may ask how did I beat it? How did I get past it? How do I function normally now? The answer is I’m not sure. I know there were people praying for me. I grew more as a Christian and got into His Word more. The truth is I struggle to this day with these same problems. I still hate to be alone (but I do it). I still get claustrophobic sitting in church sometimes. Sometimes I hate to drive. I may always struggle with them. As Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians “a thorn in my flesh” this may be my thorn in the flesh. It may be my reminder that God is in control and I need to let go of my control and trust Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (NIV).

Again you may be asking “why in the world is she telling us this’? And again I will answer 1. because it’s part of my story and what I believe the Lord would have me to tell.  And 2. someone who may read this may struggle with some of these same things and if I can help one person through this story or point one person to Jesus because of this then it will have been worth it!

This is only a SMALL portion of this part of my life. If you have any other questions about it or struggle with anything like this. Please ask me your questions! I will help in ANY way I can! Let me leave you with this quote I read today (next time you are panicking or worrying or fearful)…..”Worry is a signal alerting us it is time to pray”! (Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~Phil 4:6)