That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25 NLT)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 NLT)
See anything in common in these verses? "don't worry", "give worries to God", "I tell you not to worry", "we don't have a spirit of fear", "do not be afraid".....hmm, think the Lord is telling us anything? I am the queen of worry, fear & anxiety. But we can tell clearly from God's Word that we are not to worry, fear, be afraid or have anxiety. I can now say from experience He's serious about telling us that. I have had panic attacks off & on for 20 years. I've always had a nervous, fretful personality. But did I ever think it could kill me...NO WAY! On June 27th I learned quite differently. I will save you all of the gory details & only share the necessary. Normal day. Normal activities. Started dinner before church & all of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my right side. I waited on it to subside & it didn't I laid down for a little bit & it got worse. When my husband got home from work I was in severe pain. Finally, the pain subsided a little. We decided to go to the hospital & see how I was when we got there. We got to the hospital and I felt better. We (I) decided to head home and wait. I know what you are thinking....."How could you be so stupid?" "Why didn't you get checked out?" Because what if something was wrong with me? What if I needed surgery? If I had to have surgery they'd have to put me to sleep. That my friends is what life altering fear does to you. Remember the verses at the beginning- I was not remembering those. I was remembering fear, worry and anxiety. I came home and was sick for the next 6 days. I had family members begging me to go to the doctor. Would I? No! Why? F-E-A-R! Finally on Tuesday July 3rd I was forced to the doctor. I had blood work and a CT scan done. Results came back with my white blood count extremely high (meaning infection). CT scan showed something very wrong. I was told to go to hospital immediately. I had to have surgery to figure out what was going on. I go into immediate freak out mode. Not that I could be dying, but that I might have to have surgery. Crazy? Yes! But that's what fear does to you. I know God was at work the whole time, but from this point I began to see Him working. My doctor told us a certain surgeon was on call. We said no we want another surgeon. My doctor went and made a call and came back and said "ok, Dr. _________ is already at the hospital and will see you as soon as you get there. PRAISE THE LORD! Fast forward- arrive at hospital, get in room. All the normal hospital things. The surgeon came in and told us he thought it was a ruptured appendix, but because dummy me waited so long there were complications because of infection. Next complication, but also the next way we saw God at work. I am extremely anemic so before surgery could be done I had to have a blood transfusion. Guess what? I have strange blood. It has antibodies in it that make it hard to match up. Well, since this was during the power outage there was no extra blood in Huntington. It was all taken to Pennsylvania. My surgeon made a call- blood would be matched up and in Huntington at 6:00am Wednesday morning. PRAISE THE LORD! So, I wake up Wednesday ready for blood to be there and ready to get this surgery over. God works again.....6:00am no blood. 6:30, 7:00 no blood. Finally, surgeon comes in- makes a phone call- blood is there at 7:30am. They get the transfusion started and get me ready for surgery. They wheel me down to the operating room and Paul is going with me. We get to where he has to leave me and he stops and prays with me. Then he leaves and I'm in the hallway alone. I had been praying and quoting Scripture to myself the whole way down there. But here I am alone. Praying! Not knowing what they would
find, but asking God to please allow things to go smoothly. Let me tell you looking back I could feel
the prayers being said for me because I had complete peace and trust. Then.....God works again. I had a nurse come and get me to take me to the operating room. He was the kindest man. I told him I was
scared. He calmly said to me "it'll be ok". He held my hand till I went to sleep. PRAISE THE LORD
for that nurse. When I woke up in recovery I again had the kindest nurse. He took time to talk to me
and tell me I was ok. PRAISE THE LORD for him! God could not have placed two more
compassionate nurses in my path. I was then taken to my room where I found out I was doing ok and
that they were able to clean out all of the infection. The next 8 days were filled with many different
things- lots of blood taken, waiting to make sure counts came down, lots of antibiotics and pain
medicine, a pic line, fevers up and down. Then finally on Thursday July 12th I heard those beautiful
words- you can go home! It has now been almost 5 weeks since the surgery. That time has been filled with many ups and downs. I was blessed with being able to go to the beach with my family a couple
of weeks after I got out of the hospital. All 5 of us got to spend a whole week together. PRAISE THE LORD! But I've also struggled with a huge weight loss (it's not as great as you think it would be),
lack of strength and energy, extreme fatigue. I've also struggled a lot emotionally. I've had numerous,
massive meltdown (pretty sure my family thought I was losing it). I've struggled with a lot of guilt.
God could have very easily called me to my eternal home, but He chose to let me live. Why? So
many people are not given another chance. Why me? What does He want me to do that He chose to
let me live? Lots of tears shed over that question. I've tried to get over the guilt and focus on what
God wants me to learn from this experience. One day at the beach the Lord brought the words of this
song (and of course a meltdown) to my mind-HEAL THE WOUND, BUT LEAVE THE SCAR A
REMINDER OF HOW MERCIFUL YOU ARE- I now have a long, vertical scar down my stomach.
My reminder of God's mercy. Now I'm left with this thought.....He let me live for a reason. Why?
And how am I going to use this opportunity for Him? What about you? Each day on this earth that He gives you He gives it to you for a reason. How are you going to use it for Him?
Then Hannah prayed:
“My heart rejoices in the LORD!
The LORD has made me strong.
Now I have an answer for my enemies;
I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the LORD!
There is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God. (1 Samuel 2:1, 2 NLT)
find, but asking God to please allow things to go smoothly. Let me tell you looking back I could feel
the prayers being said for me because I had complete peace and trust. Then.....God works again. I had a nurse come and get me to take me to the operating room. He was the kindest man. I told him I was
scared. He calmly said to me "it'll be ok". He held my hand till I went to sleep. PRAISE THE LORD
for that nurse. When I woke up in recovery I again had the kindest nurse. He took time to talk to me
and tell me I was ok. PRAISE THE LORD for him! God could not have placed two more
compassionate nurses in my path. I was then taken to my room where I found out I was doing ok and
that they were able to clean out all of the infection. The next 8 days were filled with many different
things- lots of blood taken, waiting to make sure counts came down, lots of antibiotics and pain
medicine, a pic line, fevers up and down. Then finally on Thursday July 12th I heard those beautiful
words- you can go home! It has now been almost 5 weeks since the surgery. That time has been filled with many ups and downs. I was blessed with being able to go to the beach with my family a couple
of weeks after I got out of the hospital. All 5 of us got to spend a whole week together. PRAISE THE LORD! But I've also struggled with a huge weight loss (it's not as great as you think it would be),
lack of strength and energy, extreme fatigue. I've also struggled a lot emotionally. I've had numerous,
massive meltdown (pretty sure my family thought I was losing it). I've struggled with a lot of guilt.
God could have very easily called me to my eternal home, but He chose to let me live. Why? So
many people are not given another chance. Why me? What does He want me to do that He chose to
let me live? Lots of tears shed over that question. I've tried to get over the guilt and focus on what
God wants me to learn from this experience. One day at the beach the Lord brought the words of this
song (and of course a meltdown) to my mind-HEAL THE WOUND, BUT LEAVE THE SCAR A
REMINDER OF HOW MERCIFUL YOU ARE- I now have a long, vertical scar down my stomach.
My reminder of God's mercy. Now I'm left with this thought.....He let me live for a reason. Why?
And how am I going to use this opportunity for Him? What about you? Each day on this earth that He gives you He gives it to you for a reason. How are you going to use it for Him?
Then Hannah prayed:
“My heart rejoices in the LORD!
The LORD has made me strong.
Now I have an answer for my enemies;
I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the LORD!
There is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God. (1 Samuel 2:1, 2 NLT)
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